I said I would always be there for you.I mean it.And I really hope you know it.
I have a lot on my mind.I know you guys are looking at the computer screen rolling your eyes right about now asking like I’m going to answer,”What’s new?!”I know,I know.
What I want right now is to be flat out blunt.To say exactly what the hell I feel,what I’m worried about,etc. without the bull shit I’m going to get when I do.I don’t want any of the sighs,the ‘nothings’,the shake of a head,the,”That’s bull shit.”,or anything like that.I want to be blunt and honest and I want to same in return.I want all that shit I deal with on a regular basis filtered out so that I can actually have some peace of mind.
I feel like It’s either happiness or arguing.There is no middle ground with anything.I can’t stand it.Some of that is my fault.I know and I hate to admit it but, I can’t pretend like it’s not.I have and attitude and so does everyone else.I just want to be open and stop holding back everything.I want the same in return.I just want to talk.
It’s like talking is the hardest thing we’ve ever done even though it’s something we do on a daily basis.We just don’t want to talk about anything that makes us uncomfortable.The feelings we have,the thoughts,fears,wants,happiness.I can’t do that.I need to communicate and feel like you are doing the same.
That all being said…It’s not only one person.I’m just ranting.I don’t feel like anyone is listening to me lately.They let everything go in one ear and out the other.The only person I feel like would listen to my genuine bitching will cause fucking World War Three.I can’t express my pent up frustration right now.Somethings gotta give.I’ve been bottling up these feelings and they are so close to leaking over the brim.I’ve been told numerous times to stop holding everything in but, I never learn my lesson.I just keep doing so.
If I don’t get some relief,my cork is going to pop and I’m going to fizz.We’ll just put it in those simple terms.I barely sleep.I mean really people.I get fussed at and then everyone is like,”Omg you can not be tired!You slept all day.” and, yada,yada,yada.You guys just do not understand.My sleep is restless verging on non-existent.My mind never stops.I can never fall asleep.
I’m so over my limit with everything.Me and my ‘Fuck It Switch’ elf are fighting for control.I don’t want to get to that point because I know exactly what is going to happen.I almost let myself get there and that is not what I want.
“Why can’t you just say you were hurt?” It’s hard to admit I’m weak sometimes.I feel like a child next to you.Why make myself even smaller and insignificant?
getting a picture message of something that reminds me.I don’t like this feeling of having to shut out something in my life.It’s wearing on me.It’s slowly sanding away my attempt at peace because I don’t feel like this is right.I resent it a little bit.